Giving a Little Thursday, Dec 16 2010 

Cookies.  Sounds simple.  When the lady from the retirement home (that’s the politically correct name for it these days right?) called and asked if we’d be willing to bake cookies again for the holiday party, we said yes.  Last year, we baked cookies for the Christmas party they have each year.  This year we did Thanksgiving  and now again Christmas.  Chocolate chip and peanut butter, regular and sugarless. Non-sugar?  What’s the correct term?  Anyway, spent last night baking endless cookies, dozens and dozens and we are not done yet.  Did you know that you can buy sugar-free brown sugar?  Well you can.  It’s costly,  just as the sugar-free sugar is more costly, but we do not need to make as many sugar free (that’s the term!) cookies as regular.  We have a killer chocolate chip cookie recipe.  Hope we still feel like making some for the holidays after all this baking.  But it feels good to help someone else out.  Give back a little.

Santa and the 3 year old Tuesday, Dec 14 2010 

HA! What a difference a year makes!  When Santa arrived at the park, I figured we would need to work up sitting on his lap.  After all the excitement of the arrival and Santa calling out Little Man’s name as he went by (pretty awesome!), I scooped Little Man up and asked him if he wanted to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas and he said yes. So we made our way to the pavilion and I set Little Man back on his feet so he could see the other kids and Santa.  I was ready for the coaching session.  But it was all for naught. He was more than ready and I actually had to hold him back from racing into the pictures being taken of the child on Santa’s lap at that moment.  But Little Man made his turn next and he climbed on up, smiled and enjoyed the pictures and attention.  When Santa asked him what he wanted he clearly said ‘park’ and hopped down.  Stinker.

Feeling Guilty Tuesday, Dec 14 2010 

A very good friend of mine lost his father last week.  It was not unexpected, as his father had been suffering from ongoing, worsening complications of  a stroke.  His decline was at least two years in the making. But regardless, it doesn’t necessarily make his passing any easier, and certainly not when the public goodbye is a spectacle for the ‘current’ wife, that fails to recognize his father had a life before her.  Including two grown children. Such a shame. I feel for my friend and his family.

And I feel guilty, as I am struggling with my parents.  The death of my friend’s father brings home how lucky I am that both of my parents are still here. They are showing signs of failing physical and mental health, but still here.  I am happy they are still around.  I say that up front.  I am, however, struggling with their increasing needs of me and what I see coming in the future.  I’ve been down this path before.  I know the signs and I know where the path leads.  I kid myself that I am in denial, but I am.  Each time I talk with Mom, and she is confused, has forgotten something or some other issue arises, I feel sick to my stomach, and may even have a small panic attack.  Her ‘forgetfulness’ is so much like my MIL, which if you’ve read any of my postings, you know about.  And I ask myself how can I do this again?  And somewhat selfishly, why do I have to do this again?    I feel guilty for even thinking it. But I do.  Think it.

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