But I Already Have My Lipstick On:  Our story of dealing with Alzheimers 

Chapter Twenty Nine

The facility we selected was expensive and catered to persons with Alzheimer’s/dementia.  It was built for that purpose and was basically a house with 16 bedrooms.  It had a nice, large oak filled back yard that afforded the mobile residents outdoor time if desired. The front door of the facility was locked with a security entry system to ensure residents couldn’t leave without permission. The facility boasted a nice living space and separate dining space that allowed for group activities and family visits. Belle would have her own room and bathroom with a commode and sink.  Baths were taken in a special area with a special tub with a door so that residents did not have to step over the side of a tub into a shower.  (We had worried about this situation at home with Belle.) The facility had a hairdresser that came in once a week and used the small hair salon to keep the residents looking their best. All in all, it seemed like a perfect fit. The individuals in residence were at all different levels of assistance, from those requiring a hired helper to those like Belle, that were mobile and maintained a small level of self ability.   After the doctors and facility’s assessment of Belle were completed, all involved agreed her needs would be met. We finalized our decision with a deposit which confirmed we would be placing Belle at the facility and started the expected six month or more wait.  The day care would close down before the estimated 6 month wait was over and we worried about how we would manage Belle during the gap. We discussed the possibility of each of us taking shortened work weeks and tag team staying home.  We both had some leave time built up and if our employers would cooperate, we could care for her at home without too much of a financial impact on us. I checked on how my work laptop could connect from home, hoping I could work some from home while still caring for Belle.  However, in mid May 2003, just as we finalized the decision, the facility notified us of an opening beginning in June.  We agreed Belle would fill that open slot. We called Scott’s siblings and explained the decision. 

When the time for her move was close, I channeled my emotional energy into all the needed activities. I took two days off from work and began preparing for the move.  I made copies of favorite family pictures from her bedroom with us, framed the copies and placed name labels on the glass over the picture.  I thought the labels might help her recall her loved ones and also allow caregivers to engage in conversation with her regarding the people in the pictures.  I thought if she mentioned a family member by name, the caregiver could point out the loved one to Belle for reference. I made sure that each immediate family member was featured in a picture.  I coordinated preparation for the rest of her personal items and furniture she would be taking with her, including the memory books of family pictures we used to assist her with conversation and recall.  I marked all her clothes, sheets and other items.   I coordinated with the facility to get her room painted a light cheery pale yellow.   Scott coordinated her medication transfer, as the facility required bubble packs versus loose mediations in a bottle.

On June 12th, the day before Belle’s scheduled arrival, Scott and I delivered her belongings to her new room.   I set up her room by arranging the furniture, hanging her pictures and placing her clothes in her closet.  Our plan was to have the room ‘hers’, familiar and comfortable, before she arrived.  We wanted her to feel settled and at home to ease her transition.

On June 13th, Scott and I accompanied her to her new home and stayed with her while she inspected her new surroundings.   The attention to detail and care taken to make sure she was comfortable in her new surroundings seemed to work and as she explored her new room, she moved from picture to picture, reading the names out loud or laughing.    She immediately began interacting with other residents and after watching her for awhile, we decided it was time for us to leave.  Susan had originally planned to accompany us when we brought Belle to her new home, but Susan’s plans changed, and she promised to visit her that evening and let us know how things were progressing. So, with some reluctance, we started our goodbyes.  I watched Scott closely as I was sure he would crack under the stain and the guilt he felt that we could no longer keep her at home.  He kissed her and told her we’d be back later to visit and that Susan would be by to visit later.  He helped her settle in to a seat in the dining room to eat her first meal at her new home. As we left the facility that day, I watched as Scott cried for the first time in many years.   

We were concerned that the change in living arrangements would negatively impact Belle’s abilities.  We were concerned that she was past the ability to adjust to new surroundings. The staff at the facility told us that sometimes families wait too long to place a loved on in a facility of this nature out of guilt and by the time the person comes to live at the facility the transition is not smooth.   They are in new surroundings that are not familiar and they cannot recall why.  But Belle adapted very well to her new home.  We were thrilled she still had enough ability to adjust.  Sometimes when we came to visit, she acted as if we are interrupting her business.  We purchased wind chimes for the back yard and large flower pots with blooming flowers which Scott and Belle tended on our visits.  We ate meals with her in the dining room, watched movies with her in the living room or sat with her in the backyard swing.  Belle seemed to believe the facility was her house and would turn off the lights others turned on.  We laughed on more than one occasion when she complained to us that these other people in her house were wasting electricity or would wonder out loud who all these people at her house were. 

We began a routine of at least one weekday and one weekend visit, unless something dictated otherwise.  We frequently took Belle for drives to look at fall leaves or Christmas lights. Sometimes we drove out to her old country home or by other places from her past.  Sometimes we drove out to our new house, still under construction, and drove through what would be our new neighborhood, pointing out flowers, trees and house designs we thought she would like. Many times, if a house was pointed out, she would comment that Jim had built it, when of course he had not. She continued to like chocolate shakes, so sometimes we purchased the treat and just drove around while she drank it. Susan also began to visit regularly, taking Belle out of the facility for manicures and snacks.