It’s hard to watch a grown ‘child’ be unhappy and not be able to fix it.

When I was younger and I heard ‘old’ people talk about how your child stayed your child no matter how old they got, I had a hard time taking in the concept. I knew I would love my children no matter what, but I thought that once they became adults that, somehow, the parenting part of me would fade away. I thought they would make their mis-steps, and mistakes, have their triumphs and successes. They would be able to build on my life and their life would be better for it. Just as I learned from or was influenced by my parents and my life was better for it. I never dreamed that the natural progression of life would not happen that way.

I married young and I am still married to him. We’ve had plenty of ups and downs, and as I joked on Facebook on the date of our last anniversary, for all those doubters that thought we were too young, I think we are going to make it. I hoped that we set an example of the ebb and flow a marriage takes and somehow that rubbed off on our kids, empowering them to have what it takes to accomplished the same thing.

Now I find I have son with a marriage that is failing. And he is so unhappy, for his family, for his child, for his wife and for himself. I’ve watched as he has dropped 30 lbs in just a few months. He appears worn out, dark circles under his eyes, and lethargic. I can be supportive, listen to him, and such, but I cannot fix the problem.

I find this situation extremely stressful. My head knows the problem is not mine to fix, but my heart doesn’t want him to hurt, so therefore, fixing it becomes something I want to do. And yet, I know I cannot.

And times are different know as well. This age of instant communication makes discord so easy and impersonal. How does one know the tone of any text or email? Now people can argue all day and night and never speak a word to one another. I also find that stressful.

So, I wait, listen and support. I try to understand. I worry. I remain a parent.