Since I don’t know any of you personally, cannot share this info with you in person and have your best welfare at heart, I’ve written down some tips for canned frosting consumption that I’ve learned in my vast personal experience while consuming store bought frosting directly from the can.  I do not want you to fall prey to the same pitfalls I’ve experienced.  If you take these suggestions into consideration before beginning your quest for the perfect ultimate store bought canned frosting experience, you will find your ultimate experience elevated to a superior level. Take these ten steps very seriously. I don’t share them lightly.

  1. Stick with the name brands.  Off and store brands claim they are the same.  They are not.  Betty Crocker means it when she says she is the best. When it comes to canned frosting, it is all about her.
  2. Pay the extra few cents for ‘deluxe’, ‘creamy’ or ‘whipped’.  The regular canned frostings are merely okay, but since you are searching for something more than just ‘okay’, the few cents extra pays off.
  3. Pick a flavor you already know you enjoy.  Experimentation gains you nothing while seeking the ultimate frosting experience.
  4. If you own a long handled spoon, such as an iced tea spoon, use it.  Shorter spoons may allow your fingers to brush the top of the container as you advance into the depths of the frosting. Touching the frosting container distracts from the full flavor and texture experience.   If you only have short spoons, it is okay to use them, although a soft long handled spatula might be a better choice.
  5. Canned frosting need only be refrigerated once it is opened.  But, when the frosting is ‘fresh’ i.e. unchilled, it is easier to place larger amounts of the creamy concoction on the spoon.  It just slides on the spoon waaay too fast.  This can lead to a container of frosting being consumed faster than intended.  To slow, and therefore savor the canned frosting experience, chill the frosting before consumption.  A minimum of 22.5 hours is recommended.   For those of you with sensitive teeth, the chilled frosting is not so cold that it might become an issue. (It is not frozen like its sweet cousin, ice cream.)  Microwaving the frosting to remove the chill is not recommended.
  6. Although there are those that advocate spreading (or globing) the creamy mixture between cookies or on top of other types of baked goods, supplementing the frosting in any manner, while tasty and certainly more socially acceptable, only reduces your ultimate frosting experience.  You are not seeking the ultimate dessert experience. (That’s another topic altogether and not likely to fit in one email) You are hiking the Mt. Everest of the canned frosting experience.  Therefore, it should be about the frosting and only the frosting.
  7. For those of you that may be concerned with the possibility of additional calorie intake due to the consumption of canned frosting, I’ve found that multi tasking reduces this risk.   This may take some time to master, but for you right handed persons that have difficultly using your left hand for anything productive, practice holding the frosting spoon (empty of the frosting) in your left hand while using your right hand to click your computer mouse.  Once you’ve mastered this ability (it may take awhile, my left hand is not normally good for much of anything), load the spoon with your frosting, keeping the open frosting container close for spoon refills.  Then spend your time browsing the web or playing computer games while slowly partaking from your spoon full of canned frosting.  This practice also slows down the consumption rate.  This may allow one can of frosting to be utilized over two computer sessions.  For left handed persons, try the above referenced action steps using your right hand.
  8. For households with more than more frosting experience underway (this is one time I do not suggest sharing), label your can with a symbol or word that is only yours.  You may use your name if that’s all you can think of.
  9. Consumption of canned frosting immediately after a full meal, during which you’ve most likely eaten too much already, reduces your pleasure experience.  Waiting till your meal has ‘settled’ or consuming the frosting in place of the meal is recommended.
  10. Store bought frosting containers come with a plastic sealing lid.  Always close and seal your frosting container securely when placing the partially consumed treat in the refrigerator, to protect the full and robust flavor of the frosting.  Once again, this is all about the frosting, and nothing is worse than dreaming of a chilled, creamy frosting snack, only to find it tastes like the deer sausages you left uncovered in your refrigerator.

I am sincerely hopeful that these tips and suggestions (hard learned) will enhance your store bought canned frosting experience.    And as I like to say around here, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.