My parents were here for Tday.  Both did several things that semi proved to Scott that my concerns over the recent changes in behaviors are not completely unfounded.  We’ve been down this path before with his Mom and Aunt, and to some degree with my Gma and even in full denial mode, its hard to let it in.  I just want to scream “not again”. Please.  I’ve done my time. Am I really going to spend my whole adult life doing this?

Dad talked the entire time they were there.  All the stories were old, childhood, early marriage, when I was a kid etc.  All the stories we all know by heart, word for word. Except this time, parts of each stories were missing.  He’d start in the middle, so if one did not know the rest of the story one would have been lost.  We weren’t, but that’s not the point.  No one else could get a word in to have any conversation because he wouldn’t/couldn’t stop talking.  It’s always been bad that way, but this was the worst yet.  It was really unpleasant and the evening did not last very long because of it

And Mom.  I think this part was what got to me the most.  On two separate occasions Mom couldn’t carry out simple requests asked of her.  It was dejavu.  Like watching my mother in law all over again.  Keep in mind, if you haven’t read any of the  story I’ve been posting, I spent  quite a bit of time in close contact with someone suffering from dementia.  I know what the dazed confused body movements and facial expressions look like.  I saw it daily for over 12 years. And with both situations on Tday, I felt fear. And dread.

The first: Mom had been asking how she could help out.  So Scott gave her a job.  Scott asked Mom to fold the napkins for the table settings.  She asked how he would like them folded.  He said it did not matter.  She took the stack of napkins, moved them in front of her at the table, then moved them to the lazy susan we have in the middle of the table.  Then straightened them into a nice stack.  Then moved them again, this time to the counter. They where never folded.  They traveled from surface to surface repeatedly, but never managed to ever get folded. 

The second.  There was a basket of towels that needed to be moved out of the kitchen and instead of putting them up (after watching the napkins move around) I just asked her to move the basket into the red room.  (We have two extra bedrooms, one we call the blue room, one the red room.  They are just off the kitchen with the bathroom in between them, in view of the kitchen.) Mom was happy to help, picked up the basket and headed off in the correct direction.  She then headed straight into the bathroom, which is past the turn to the bedrooms and stood in the bathroom holding the basket.  I could see her from the kitchen, standing there, still, trying to think it through.  She came back out of the bathroom, very slowly, exaggerated slowness, looked around, again very slowly,  and then went back in to the bathroom (again past the hall to the red room), hesitated and slowly placed the basket of towels in the bathtub.  I watched all this while I peeled potatoes.  I waited to see if she’d come back out and ask about the red room, or say something to let me know she couldnt’ find it, maybe explain why she put the basket of towels in the bathtub and not the red room as instructed.  She did not. I did not point out the misplacement.  I did just do as we used to do with my mother in law, which was move it once she was not looking.    I watched Mom come out of the bathroom and mix in with the others.  She didn’t mention the basket. 

I finished my kitchen task and headed toward the bathroom to move the towels.  She followed and quietly asked, where did you want the towels to go?  I opened the door to the red room (it’s about three steps from the bathroom door)  and moved the towels into the room.  She murmured she couldn’t recall.

Are either of these things the end of the world?  Nope.  Do either of them mean a thing in the big scheme of things.  Probably not.  Have I seen this type of thing before?  Yes, I have.  Am I  worried about it?  Yes, I am.

I told Scott I was in for each step of his Mom’s trek and I cannot do this one without his total buy in.  When I tell him I need ‘x’, I need it.   He said ok.  Do I need to start repeating to myself, it’s not their/her fault?  Maybe.