My Random Life

But I Already Have My Lipstick On:  Our story of dealing with Alzheimers

Chapter Two

Belle Marie was born to a lumber mill family in 1923, a premature first child named for both her grandmothers.  Her parents never had much money and supported their growing family as many families did in the early part of the 20^th century, the best way they could.  Slim worked whatever job was available usually in the lumber industry and Mae was a homemaker.  Through the years, it was not uncommon for an elderly relative with an illness to stay with the family and for Mae to take care of them until they were better or until they passed.  This situation had a lasting impact on Belle which she would recall and recount in her later years. 

Belle was one of the first in her family to finish high school, although she was already married at the time.  She married Jim in January 1941 during her senior year of high school, a few months before turning 18.  Although they had lived in the same rural area of east Texas all of their lives, their families socialized in different circles and attended different churches.  Belle met Jim through his younger sister, who was a classmate of Belle’s.  Jim was two years older than Belle and was already out of school when they met and began their courtship.  Their relatively short courtship often included double dates with Belle’s younger brother Paul with whom Belle shared a close relationship.  The last two months of Jim and Belle’s courtship occurred via mail while Jim located employment in South Texas and Belle attended school at home.  Letters between the two of them during this time frame display her attachment to Jim and her hopes for their future together.

Their life together, during the over 50 years they were married, had its ups and downs and included some volatile, unsettling times.  After the premature birth and death of their first child, a daughter, their four sons (born in 1942, 1944, 1957 and 1958) and one daughter (1962), witnessed good times and bad, with the bad times including displays of their father’s temper or rumors of his infidelities.  Throughout all of her adult life, while raising her children, attending church, moving from home to home, living at the piney woods farm, and relocating to the big city, Belle strived to become a person other than the lumber mill ‘country’ girl that defined how her life had started and what, under most circumstances, her life would have been destined to remain.  She was determined to be a modern woman, a good person with a refined essence, along with being dedicated to her husband.   

As with many women of her generation that dealt with the double standard of the infidelity of a husband, Jim’s activity impacted her with a direct hit to her self confidence.  Somehow, some way, she seemed to think, at least in those early years, his inability to be faithful to her was her fault. Thus, her focus crystallized on prevention through self improvement.  She took study courses in business, art classes, taught Sunday school and Vacation Bible School and became an active participant the Women’s Republican Club, serving as its president for a time.  She studied interior design through mail order courses and magazines to assist Jim with the family business of home building.  She determined what she considered to be ‘sophisticated’ and strived to achieve this desired sophistication in her dress, manner, conversation, interior design of her home and the behavior of her children.   Appropriate behavior was stressed, as it was important to her what others thought of her and her family and to preserve the appropriate perception of her family that had become a measured part of her self confidence.     

Scott is the youngest son of the family of five siblings, with his only sister Susan being the youngest child.  Throughout his growing up years, he was extremely close to his mother and this closeness continued throughout his adult years.  Scott and his siblings grew up, for the most part, on a working farm, which entailed, as farm life always does, many outside chores.  Living in the custom built farm home in the piney woods of East Texas was ideal for the family that had started with virtually nothing and succeeded.  The family members, regardless of age, pitched in to ensure chores were completed.  Scott, it turns out, was allergic to pine trees and pollen.  As one might deduce, this type of allergy is a problem for someone living in the middle of a national pine forest.  Due to this allergy, some of his chore time changed from outside activities to indoor activity,  assisting his mother with chores, such as cooking.  He had an aptitude for this type of activity and his one on one time with his mother created a close relationship that the passing of time, even years,  did not substantially diminish.  Scott became a son that could easily read his mother’s moods, determine her wishes and anticipate her wants and desires without much conversation between them.  He became her confidant. He knew the nuances of her attitudes, speech and stories.  So, in the weeks and months that followed the death of his father, when the stories and behaviors of his mother began to change, Scott noticed, before the rest of us, that something with Belle seemed slightly amiss.

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But I Already Have My Lipstick On:  Our story of dealing with Alzheimers

Chapter One

We began to notice the changes in Belle, my mother in law, soon after the death of her husband.  Jim’s death was sudden and unexpected at the age of 73.  Belle was 71 at the time and handled the difficult changes in her life with the same calm, efficient, sophisticated manner that people who knew her associated as her style.  Everyone marveled at how well she held it all together.

In the months after Jim’s passing, plans were made to move Belle from the country estate 10 miles from town she and Jim had shared for 10 years, with its large house, large yard, required maintenance and undesired expense, to a more suitable home in the city, which would be closer to us.  With the help of a close family friend that was also a real estate agent, her country home was sold and an appropriate new city home, appropriate both in price range and location was selected and purchased.   Although this move seemed hasty, occurring about 4 months after Jim’s death, Belle, who had already been weary of country life, was ready for the move and welcomed it.  Scott and I welcomed it as well, as most of the yard upkeep and other maintenance of any home Belle owned would fall to us now that Jim was gone.

The selected new home, which was smaller than the country home, needed a few alternations before the final move in to more fully meet Belle’s needs and wants.  My husband Scott took charge of coordinating the projects and during the Christmas season that year, his siblings, Chuck and Susan both of which lived in the area, Mike from East Texas and Larry from Wyoming, converged on the new home and along with moving Belle into her new home, completed the various building and decorating projects.  So much time was spent on the move and getting the projects completed during December of that year that Scott and I did not decorate the outside of our home for Christmas, which was something we did each year without fail.  But, progress on the projects went smoothly and Belle moved into her new home Christmas Day 1994.  The family pictures of that move in day, including one of the five siblings and their mother standing in front of the fireplace, capture the faces of a very tired family.  Although the siblings had a history of discord from time to time, no major flairs up occurred. 

The changes in Belle during this time frame, after the passing of her husband and a major move, both stress events, were not much to notice at first. When the subtle alterations in the details of her regularly recited stories, the stories we’d heard for years, were noticed, my husband and I, would raise an eyebrow and glance at each other from across the room whenever she was in the midst of a story that was now suddenly different.  We mentioned it to each other on a few occasions, found it curious, even joked about it, but the situation did not raise a red flag of any major problem, nor did it cause any type of undue concern.  We merely noted the changes and attributed them to the stress she must be experiencing.

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